Life has been busy. And not good busy where I feel like I am accomplishing my goals, but busy like I have been frantically treading water to stay afloat without making any progress. If I could stop putting all my energy into keeping my head above water, I might pick a direction, but for the moment, I keep swimming. How is it May? When did that happen? The semester ends soon and work is slowing, so my use of the survival stroke should be minimized this summer. I hope. Or there’s always my back-up plan: a Happy Pills prescription. Or maybe Adderall – that seems like a productive drug.

Another reason I haven’t written is because I haven’t had much to say. How many blog entries can I submit about treading water? “Dear Diary, On Friday night I did laundry and drank wine by myself. I almost baked cookies but instead chose to sleep my full twelve hours. Huzzah.”

Hmm … where did I last leave off? My nonexistent love life, maybe? No surprises here, the same players, which I hope to change with the start of summer and being SOCIAL again.

The Realtor and his chica are officially broken up. He says that he still has a crush on me. I say, wtf?

The Kid … well, we weren’t talking, but now we are again, so that situation is pretty much the same. A few weeks ago, he was being distant. Not answering texts, not returning calls, etc. It was enough of a change that I consciously noticed. I called him out on being sketchy and requested a break from our talking, and two days later, unable to sleep at 2am and stalking on facebook, I saw pictures of him –he wasn’t tagged, but his roommate was –at Law School Prom with a girl, she was pretty, and the caption underneath said, “so cute!”. Immediately upon viewing, I became physically nauseous. I usually have excuses and explanations regarding all things Kid-related, but the involuntary reactions are most difficult to rationalize. Not being ok, wasn’t ok with me. So I put more distance between us. Last spring, when we decided to try this “friends” thing, my stipulation was that I wanted notice when he was going to start dating someone and therefore avoid me. He dismissed my concern at the time, saying he would never do that again, yet WHY WASN’T I SURPRISED. I’m better now. I don’t know if they are together, I don’t want to know – not like last time’s obsessive mission to discover each trivial detail –so I haven’t asked him or his friends. I haven’t even said her name out loud. He can have his life, I have mine.

It always comes down to my choice: to talk or not to talk. And as unhealthy as our dynamic is, I would always rather talk to him than not talk to him. Our inane email conversations mean something to me, and I’ve accepted that it hinders my growth process. And I don’t want to analyze what that says about me.

I’m not visiting him with The Bestest Friend, as she had previously arranged. In lieu, I am going to Costa Rica trip with The Firefighter. Our departure is in one week. ONE WEEK. Details have yet to be arranged. We’re meeting in Denver the night of May 13th, arriving in San Jose at 5am on the 14th and flying back to the states on May 24th. Ten days of jungling. Last night we booked our car rental, sure to become our cozy little home for the trip duration. Other details will have to wait until my finals are complete (Thursday! – can I crack open a beer during the exam?). This will be a lot of time for us together. A lot. Even when we lived in the same state, we didn’t bank this many hours together. It should be good – we’re both pretty adaptable –but who knows, traveling brings out interesting personality facets.

And that’s my life. How’s yours?

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