I’m embarrassed to admit that we exchanged texts over a three-hour timespan last night. Ok, maybe it was more like four. And a half. (Here, I’ll respond for you: what the hell, Molly, get some self-respect.) I don’t even have a way to rationalize this behavior to you. Yes, I realize I should sever all contact and spend needless energy being mad/bitter/frustrated and in the meantime find someone new but … oh, how to put this … he makes me smile. And I like that about him.
Our conversation covered many topics, including an apology for his “insanity and strangeness”, more proclamations about his love-at-first-sight bullshit theory, and finally ending the evening with the ever-exasperating, “I wish I wasn’t so dumb. We’d be so cute together.” Four hours of his pseudo-sweet remarks and four hours of my firing blunt insults in return. The adjective “douchey” was (fittingly) used six times. The banter does make me smile, but I always feel like I am missing the majority of his picture. To compensate, I attempted to get a second opinion.
Outsourced opinions often vocalize what a person doesn’t have the balls to say themselves (usually prefaced with, “My Best Friend thinks …” or “My parents were wondering why …”), which is all a ruse to use a scapegoat to gain further insight. Since I don’t know his friends but wanted to hear an opinion from someone within his circle, I asked about his parents, whom I’ve never met, keep in mind. Basically, I just wanted to hear what he’d say.
“Your mother is going to be so disappointed in you when she finds out you lost me.”
“I know, both my parents will be. They never saw me so fucked up over a girl. Even they felt our imaginary sparks. Mistaken chemistry I guess.”
“Did you tell them about our break-up?”
“Haha, not yet. I haven’t said anything except when they ask about you. They’ll say, ‘how’re things progressing with Molly?’ and I say, ‘they’re not’ and they say, ‘awwww.’”
Well, fucking hell, the ol’ outsourced-opinion trick told me nothing, just as I should have suspected, given his track record. Cute that they ask about me though. Too bad he acts too douchey to have any real potential. Maybe I should call the parents and explain that it’s not me, it’s him.
mollyelizabeth 
November 17, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Hi, let me introduce myself before commenting :) My name is Debbie and I live in a suburb outside of Boston. I stumbled upon your blog one day while Googling “Johnny Damon” (oh how he broke our hearts!) lol! then I became “caught up” in your writings regarding “The Kid from Boston”. I’m in my forties and it just brought me back to when I was trying to figure out men myself. Married now 20+ years let me tell ya its still a daily struggle :D
I love your writing and expression and I find myself rooting for you. I check in off and on to see how it is going. I finally felt so voyeuristic, I thought I’d feel better introducing myself. Also, I’d like to pitch in with some suggestions (not that I know what I’m talking about).
You can tell me to “scram” if you don’t want some geezer lady around ;)
Here’s my feelings on what’s going down with “Realtor” right now….I met many like him…they are SCARED of commitment. They usually would just dump you and stay away, when they felt themselves falling. But “The Realtor” fascinates me. He keeps coming back. He can’t seem to stay away. He stays texting for HOURS. I know your frustration in wanting him to just man up and stop dragging his feet. On the other hand, he seems to be struggling to come out of his “commitment phobia” shell. I think he’s seriously attached to you. I also think “new girlfriend” either doesn’t exist or with some signs from you…would cease to exist pretty quick.
My gut feeling is he is using “ghost girlfriend” in the hopes you’ll say “WAIT!!! I don’t want you to take on another girl…I want to be your girl!”.
I promise future posts won’t be this long ;)
November 18, 2008 at 1:26 am
The third party can be a harsh reality check. Turns out (from my third-party source) my old crush (The Workmate) has a model-like girlfriend, yup, all that flirting and he just wasn’t ‘that into me.’ Sometimes the pseudo reality of our heads is much more confidence-boosting. Next time, tell him if he’s serious about woo-ing you then you’re holding our for a Say Anything grand gesture. I know Shanti will be in full support of this.
November 18, 2008 at 9:03 am
Debbie,
Aww, thank you for reading and finally introducing yourself :) I like comments –and suggestions (especially from someone who survived this little period in life …)
I think the majority of what you said is completely true. The Realtor once told me that I met him at a very “transitional” phase in his life – he’s only been doing the realtin’ for 1.5 years; before that, he was heavily engaged into the music scene; before that, he was into the drugs and music scene. The girls of those scenes (at least the ones that he met/dated) had different life ambitions than myself … so I really think he doesn’t know what to do with me. He told me last night that the way I live my life makes him proud (Um, WHAT?) His life has changed in so many ways, I don’t know if he’s ready to change everything. Not yet anyway.
The chica is more than likely still around and more than likely waiting for some committment from him. I have no idea if she’ll get it. But you’re right in that regard, too; my best friend is in full agreement that he probably told me about her just to get my reaction even though, according to her, “he just seems so in love, I’m sorry but he does.”
What is it about these Boston boys that keeps me hooked? Debbie, is there something special about the water out there?
Thanks again for commenting, would love to hear from you again :)
November 18, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Oh thank you! thank goodness you didn’t think me some weirdo. Of course I AM weird, but my friends seem to adore me that way…so I keep it ;)
Yeah we lover our “Dirty Water” out here, but the men suck! :D I don’t know if regions have anything to do with it. My great gramma used to say “they’re all tarred with the same brush!”.
Something else I thought of while reading….The Realtor is a dry alcoholic right? My father has been dry for 20+ years. He is still able to hang with other people while THEY do the drinking. That is VERY rare. “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic”. They struggle everyday. I once dated a guy who was going to AA. He ended up breaking it off with me. Told me that “I can’t be with anyone that isn’t in AA…..they just wouldn’t understand”. Now if I remember correctly, Realtor did say some remark about your drinking? It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a drinking problem. It’s my feeling that this is a big reason for him dragging his feet. He doesn’t want to get real attached (unfortunately for him I think he already is) and have the drinking thing come between you. What can you do in this situation? Don’t drink when your with him. Don’t even let him smell booze on you. Can’t talk about booze or funny things that happened when you were blitzed. It’s just too hard for him. But then…what happens if you move in together at some point? can you save it for girl’s night out? Because at this stage…you couldn’t drink at home.
I think he is trying VERY hard to turn his life around. He has quite drinking, started a career, and I think now wants a steady girlfriend instead of a steady line of ho’s. IF there is a “girl” right now…I betcha she notices he is quite distant a lot…because he’s thinking of you. Your the one he wants. But because of all his insecurities…he needs extra help. If it were me, I’d as him out. A nice restaurant. Meet him there. DON’T DRINK! :D If he chickens out and doesn’t show, shut him off from the text messaging.
November 18, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Jebus, that was just as long as the first post :/
November 18, 2008 at 11:09 pm
the boys who offer us the excitement, the challenge, are the one’s who make us smile a little bigger. it is the thrill of the game that drives us forward, propels us into sometimes unhealthy, but life shaking relationships. when guys come around and give it up freely it just isnt as fun.
i feel ya on this one.
good luck with it.
-a huge mollyelizabeth fan!
November 19, 2008 at 9:20 am
All my little online friends are slightly odd … and I like them that way.
Ugh, The Realtor’s drinking … Ha, I’ve never explictly gone into this, as sometimes I like to give people their personal space. Oh well, that’s pretty much shot to hell.
The Realtor, back in the day, used to do some drugs. He’s been clean for over six years but he doesn’t drink because he doesn’t like to lose control nor be tempted to get back into the drugs when drunk. When he was telling me this, I nodded understanding because yes, I totally know what’s it’s like to succomb to weakness when drunk. Course, I was meaning the tendency to drunk dial … much similar to heroin/coke (good job, very empathetic, Mol). Anyway, alcohol was never his drug of choice. He can be around it without difficulties. He has been around me when I was drinking wine, he once offered me a bottle of Corona in his fridge (leftover from a bbq), his neighborhood party featured German beer, he goes to the bar to hang out with his friends. He’s used to drunks and it doesn’t seem to bother him – if anything, he’s told me that girls find him more charming and attractive when drunk. Also, he doesn’t tell “war stories” about his drug days, unless I ask for details, which I respect.
Regarding my drinking, he has told me that he wants our first make-out to be sober (which I mocked, questioning if he wanted it to be “special”) and that he requires a green light from a sober chick before making a move on the drunk chick. Other than that, it really doesn’t seem to bother him.
November 19, 2008 at 9:39 am
Stephanie – how cute are you? And thank you for not calling me crazy :)
November 19, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Well alright! sounds like he is one of the small percentage……he can handle it.
I LOVE that he wants your “first makeout” to be sober.
VERY telling ;)
November 19, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Ha, and slightly PUKEY. Barf, barf.
And yes, good that he’s ok with the drinking environment – heaven forbid I would need to adjust my lifestyle to suit someone else. Drinking never caught on for him – never really enjoyed it – since high school, he was always into the other (illegal) options.
November 20, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Ah! I see! you said he was in the music business? my dh has always been in a band since I met him. He has a day job tho, thank goodness.
Before I met him he was into the drugs…and women. People from then wouldn’t recognize him now. Well except for the earrings…he kept those.
November 20, 2008 at 10:35 pm
No earrings. A few tats, but no earrings :)