“Are you over your annoying phase yet? I think I like the weird phase better.”

“Which one? When I’m all nice and trying to hang out? And picking up my phone and all that?

“Ha, yeah, that one.”

“No. You didn’t like that at all, you’re impossible. So I decided to hook up with dumb girls again … enough of this ‘trying to hook up with a girl of substance’ stuff. My ego couldn’t handle you. My legs are just growing back from you chopping them out from under me.”

“Your ego tried for like two days. And how are the dumb girls going for ya?”

“Oh man, I don’t think you understand …”

“No. Explain.”

“I have lots of options but I’m not trying to slut around. So I just chose one because it was easy. Because she likes me a lot. No big thing. I used to just hang out with all of them, but I’m trying to be better. I’m just being honest.”

“Well, good job picking one, I guess, and not being a slut.”

“You make me sad though.”

“Oh WHATEVER, you didn’t even try.”

“I guess you’re right but no positive signals were reciprocated, so… I decided that I would just relax. Can’t we just make out once to get it out of the way? Then I can think straight and everything will be fine.”

“Your chica whom you chose that likes you a lot would have issues with that.”

“It’s not fully established.”

“Ha, meaning that you’re only sleeping together and haven’t talked about it … That’s ok, I’m not that ‘other’ girl … We’re not even going to be buds, huh, Noodle?”

“Yes we can be buds!!!!!! Don’t be a douche.” [editor’s note: all those exclamation marks? Reinforces that it never would have worked.]

“Ha, hmm … considering we don’t hang out, nor do you answer my phone calls, nor do you call me yourself … sounds promising.”

“I do call, don’t be dumb. I guess you’re right, I didn’t try too hard, you make me nervous though; I’m not used to hanging out with girls that don’t make ‘it’ easy for me…”

“No, I think you called … twice. In six months. Good work.”

“Legs had been chopped. Never stroked ego, not a single time, you wouldn’t even let me compliment you or tell you that I had a crush on you. Or admit that I was cute even though we both know you think I’m overwhelmingly attractive … hahaha.”

“That stuff makes me uncomfortable — and since I don’t need the words, I typically forget that other people do. Anyway, whatever.”

“You’re very difficult. Are you sure you don’t want to make out?”

“You have someone else to make out with now … call her.”

“Ooooh, is that jealousy? No way. I just felt like there was no chance with you. And I don’t think you have the same sort of needs that I do as a man with a highly addictive personality.”

“I am just irritated. Mostly from the games you play. I’m late for work.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to play games. I just wanted to be open about what’s going on so that I wasn’t being shady or evasive. I felt like hooking up with someone was important info for you to know. I don’t know why but I did. I really don’t know why. Now I feel dumb. Ok, bye. Don’t be mad.”

“No, thank you for telling me, glad I know. Not mad, just disappointed, maybe. You had potential. Now you really can be a noodle, just like you always thought you were.”

“That’s how I felt about you. But you’re impossible to read. Hot and cold. Yeah, fine. Noodle it is. I’ll noodle around. The noodle realtor. Sweet. No kissing for noodles though.”

“No, no kissing for noodles. Guess we’ll never know about that electricity. My noodles like to hang out with me though so you won’t fit all criteria.”

“You’re gay.”

“The secretly in love from afar you’ll fit well though.”

“You’re the gayest.”