I apologize for the filler post, but life has been hectic and I haven’t had a decent chunk of time to write … but life has pretty much remained the same as always. So I guess that’s the good news of it: you haven’t missed anything. But, as you can tell from this post, The Realtor is still around and still inconsistent. We’ve been talking more often, particularly before bed, and I’m not getting the vibe that he’s playing me as well as others. He told me once that I scare him … because I have substance and he’s not used to that. I think he’s out of his element.

“[When your parents were in town a few weeks ago] what the hell were you thinking calling me from the car?”

“I was talking about the beautiful and incredibly smart, funny girl that I had a crush on obviously…”

“Ha, nice try. Do you really talk to your parents about your ladies? I like to keep mine in the dark as often as possible.”

“My parents are always curious, they hated [model/dancer ex-girlfriend] because she was a bitch and was very confrontational about dumb shit, so they want to know if I’m making good or bad decisions. Can you please play a scrabble word? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease.”

“No, I am not even halfway done with this paper and you’d be like if you give a mouse a cookie.”

“Happy?”

“He’s gonna want a glass of milk and if he has a glass of milk he’s going to want a napkin.”

“If you play a scrabble word I’m not gonna want to make out with you if that’s what you’re getting at …”

“What if it’s a good word?”

“Well, then maybe I will want to make out but whatever, it won’t be. Please. Fucking please. It’s been so long. I promise you’ll only have to play one.”

“Seriously? It’s been like a day. Do you have the best word ever?”

“I have a blank tile and I freak out when I don’t know what the blank is gonna be, it messes with my ocd … so please do this for me … as my friend … as my cute friend with an amazing personality that I have a crush on friend? … God I’m hilarious.”

“Did you find that amusing? Get that out of your system?”

“Nope. Not yet.”

“Ok, I will play a word … if you tell me what your parents think of me. Not that they’ve ever met me or anything but still.”

“No, because you just made it very clear that I make you uncomfortable and if I tell you the convo you’ll be uncomfortable, so it’s a non issue.”

“Dude. Tell me and then I will feign ignorance. Why would the retelling of the convo make me uncomfortable?”

“Because then I’ll have to admit that I have a crush on you … maybe.”

“Ok, leave that part out just tell me what your parents said.”

“That you sound like just the type of girl that I should pursue. And that I must really think you’re cool. Because I apparently made a face when I was talking to you. And my mom got all creepy. I’m done now, not saying anything else.”

“Ok, yeah, ha, I don’t think I want to hear anything else – that’s my tolerance level right there.”

“Did you play a word yet?”

“I am trying; my letters suck. What did you do when your mom got creepy?”

“I said something to make her uncomfortable, so she dropped it.”

“Like what?”

“I said: ‘you’re right mom, it was love at first sight, but it’s unrequited so I’m just fucking as many strippers as possible to get over it’.”

“… Noodle, that does not sound appropriate.”

“Did you go?”

“No.”

“FUCK, make your move.”

“Ok, two options: one strategic, one that could make you smile.”

“I am already smiling; I always go for strategic.”

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