Crawling on the floor was odd, but then, our actions are often odd when slightly tipsy. I didn’t offer assistance until she was frantically pulling apart the couch.

“Do you need help?” I asked.

“No babies! No babies!”

Not knowing exactly how to help, but recognizing that my irrational friend needed assistance, I matched her desperate fury and joined the dismantling of the couch. And then the rest of the furniture. Despite the stares of the bar patrons. The longer it took, the more motivated I became to find the babies. Or to confirm the lack of babies. My mission was unclear.

Finally, I saw it. I chased it down into the crevices and pulled out a tiny green dot.

“Babe! No babies!”

She squealed in exaggerated delight at my triumph, catching the attention of her boyfriend who came over to observe us as we lay, spent, among the cushions.

“Uhh … You guys ok?”

“Better than ok. There will be no babies.”

And then, even with the flecks of dirt and stray hair, she swallowed her newly found birth control pill. What’s a few germs when babies are the alternative?

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