What I need in life is more imaginary boyfriends.

Ok, you’re probably thinking that I could use more real-life boyfriends, but whatever, you don’t get a vote; those boyfriend things are complicated and require maintenance. And do you want to be the one to keep them watered, fed, and walked twice a day?

I concluded this new resolve last night ‘round midnight when The Kid called. Since I had had an absolutely rotten day and was lying in bed alone and bored, I what the hell answered. A mistake, as always. The conversation was lousy –I asked about his life and his one question to me was what are you wearing? –and left me feeling worse than before the call. Somehow, talking to him drains my self-esteem –hell, even answering his calls is depleting. I might as well become lactose-intolerant and binge on ice cream for the lack of reasoning behind the weakness.

As feeling pathetic was not the best end to my rotten day and I refuse to let The Kid be my good-night phone call, I called someone else. Someone with whom I’ve been smitten for years but would be driven insane if dated. And I realized that I have quite a few of those boys.

And that group is whom I affectionately and collectively refer to as my imaginary boyfriends.

Imaginary boyfriends are those of my eternal infatuation that consistently make me smile when I see their name on my caller ID, someone with whom the dynamic involves flirtation more than substance. Ones whom I don’t want to date (or try dating again) because our personalities wouldn’t mesh in a relationship –though quite possibly excellent fling material –but those that I nonetheless harbor smitten tendencies. Ones for whom I can concoct entire unrealistic life plans (in my head, of course, they are unaware of our imaginary relationship) for when they finally change/grow up/become an entirely different person. Ah, hope springs eternal in my imaginary world complete with imaginary boyfriends.

In many ways, they are better than real-life boyfriends.

They can’t let me down because I expect nothing from them. And in return from them, I feel attractive and confident and witty. It’s been much too long that someone has made me feel that way and much, MUCH too long since I have integrated new blood into my imaginary boyfriend repertoire. I definitely need to collect a few newbies. And hey, maybe I will even make some bad choices and date a few before upgrading them into my imaginary boyfriend list, anything is possible.

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