“And now is my favorite portion of the evening, now I will balance my wine glass on my head. Your father LOVES this part. Only last time, he didn’t give me the attention I was so desperately seeking, don’t actually remember why not as it was just us drinking together at the house, but anyway I had to up the ante and place my wine-glass stem between my teeth — which would have been VERY impressive — but I ended up biting through the glass. 

“Maybe later I will do impressions. Remind me to do Mol when she flirts with a boy.

“Isn’t your brother’s hair cute? I wasn’t all about that bohemian look, but it’s been growing on me. Starting to like it. He’s dang cute. Not just his hair – but I really like him all around. You and your sister? Well, you both need a lot of work, God love ya, you and your issues, but your brother: el perfecto.”

[She then starts (disturbingly) humming the intro to Eric Clapton’s Cocaine]