“Dude, I get like, a million sister points for picking you up at 2am.  My bed was very cozy.”

“I called you to be nice! Since I already had a driver.  In case you needed a ride.”

“You had a cab. A cab which would have cost you over $60.”

“… uh, duh, and who do you think was driving the cab? My driver. Besides, I let you share my, oh so tasty appetizer sampler platter. You’re welcome.”

“Is that what that was? I thought it was just different fried shapes.”

“The brown triangles were better than the brown circles, huh? And guess what I stole.”

“More barware, you klepto?”

“No, a brownie! The cashier was taking too long to run my credit card so I took a brownie to compensate. That whore. Oh! And I also have a purse full of gum!”

“Gum? From Perkins?”

“No, from the bar. The bathroom attendant guy was offering gum so I said, yes that looks delicious and then I dumped the bowl in my purse and walked out.”

“Um, did you at least tip him?”

“Yeah, a dollar. Which is more than you are going to get. You’re going to get a piece of gum and a punch in the face.”

“I can’t accept all that; seriously, you’re too nice.”

“Dude, I fucking know. Which is why I just decided that you’re not getting the piece of gum.”