“Last week I was all, man, I gotta shave my legs, it’s been a couple months, I GOTTA SHAVE. Enough is enough, right? Throughout this past weekend, I knew I was going to shave on Monday. THE day. I preplanned for it. Yesterday morning, I was pumped; today I am going to shave my legs! So I shaved, and it took FOREVER. I was all, man, I know why I don’t do this that often. Takes so much time. And then when I was out of the shower and drying them, I realized, goddammit, I only shaved one of them. One of my legs is still goddamn hairy … But it’s supposed to take twice as long as that? Fuck. So I am thinking that from now on, I will just rotate legs every few months. Like tires.”