January 2008


“He has had the same job for over three months.”

“In high school he was too involved in drugs so he dropped out, but the important thing is that he went back and got his GED.”

“And even though he couldn’t afford an ipod for Christmas for his seven-year old daughter, he somehow made it happen.”

“I have maybe only seen him drunk four times in the last year, he has really cut back. It’s really impressive. I mean, it was court-ordered, but really, you should have seen what he used to be like.”

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“It’s only an extra dollar for Patron.  And another two dollars for an extra shot.  You’re basically losing money if you don’t upgrade.”

“… Boston has a neighborhood with hole-in-the-wall restaurants like this.”

Yes. Yes, it does. The small Italian restaurants in the North End. Like that place that served us when we were underage. We pretended to be engaged, his idea, with my costume jewelry on my left ring finger. Because engaged couples do not get carded. He promised that my real ring would be bigger.

“And from the look on your face, I can tell you’ve never been to Boston.”

He’s not being condescending, he is just making assumptions; your face gives away everything. Of course Boston triggers a reaction.

“I’ve been. It’s a great city.”

Nice work, Mol. Polite. Keeping distance. Good answer.

“Oh? For a little visit? Which part did you see? Probably too short of a time, wasn’t it? There’s so much to see in Boston!”

Ok, now he is being condescending. That doesn’t mean you need to prove him wrong. Not everything needs to be difficult. Ask him to define too short.

“A guy I once dated grew up on the north shore so I have seen a fair amount.”

A guy I once dated. As if that’s all he is. Just some guy I dated this one time. No biggie. And I am totally ok talking about it because he is just some guy.  I wish The Kid could have heard his newfound title, he would be incredibly hurt.

“Oh? Born and bred? He a Sox fan? You ever to go a game?”

Fan? Him? He who told me I could raise our children Catholic as long as he could raise them Red Sox fans? That guy? Nah, not so much.

“Yeah, we went to Fenway.”

A fan jumped down to the field that game, was patting Johnny Damon’s shoulder when security got to him. That night I woke up with period cramps so painful that he went to find a drugstore at 3am to purchase Advil. I used to describe that as the moment I knew I could marry him. Because he didn’t even ask if I wanted him to or if I was sure I needed it, he just got out of bed and started getting dressed.

“How long did you two kids date?”

Say not long. Lying is ok. He’s just trying to make conversation, Mol. In a condescending tone. You are open about your life. Only a big deal if you make it one. Tips are better when they know you as a person, you can’t just NOT answer.

“Over five years.”

But he’s still just some guy I once dated. I like that delegation.

“Wow. What happened?”

Love wasn’t enough.

“Long distance.”

“Well, you’re young! You could move, it’s a great time to start fresh when you’re young, see the country! Boston is a great city, expensive, but GREAT.”

I never thought of that! Thank you for fixing our entire relationship in two minutes of conversation. How the hell to get out of this one? Call him stupid? Or, to take the inoffensive route, say that it’s complicated? The way things are going he would ask for details.

“For Boston, I would move. But he is currently living elsewhere. And what would be the point of having the boy if I couldn’t have Boston? Enjoy your dinner.”

“Well, you think about what I said!”

Yeah, will do, nothing I love more than thinking about exactly that.

Today I was informed that I will be fulfilling a new role within the company which will require travel. REQUIRE travel. What glorious words. My first trip will be next week (so soon!) to Texas; fucking sweet not only because have I never seen Texas but I also know a cute boy* who lives within the 20-minute driving radius. We already have dinner plans, and I am very excited to see him.

But with the excitement comes anxiety. I haven’t seen him in three years, so the pressure is ON to look good. Although this boy and I never dated, I still feel like it is on par with having dinner with an ex.  I don’t want him calling our mutual friends to discuss how far downhill I have gone; I don’t THINK I have gotten fatter or uglier but I do tend to live in my own little world. And don’t memories tend to be nicer than reality? What if he remembers me better than I actually am? Basically, I cannot merely look good, I need to look BETTER. Better than what? I don’t know … better than EVER? Yes, that makes sense.

Granted the anxiety stemmed from the pressure to look good is not enough to like, work-out or something silly like that, but enough that I will maybe swear off chocolate for two days and buy (more) new clothes (more? I know I know, but I need to be PREPARED and my emergency stash has nothing in it for this occasion. At least not more than one option and I need options).

And so, my question for you, Internet, is: what the hell do I buy wear? Please take into consideration the warm Texan weather, my white Minnesotan skin and, above all, my desire need to look smokin’. Can I wear tall boots with a skirt? Jeans, a tank and heels? HOW DO I LOOK HOT WHILE HIDING PASTY SKIN? Advice?

*Do you even need to ask? Of course this boy fulfills my two requirements: 1) lives out of state and 2) has an absolutely lovely girlfriend. Side note: I should actually give the girlfriend a call and invite her to our dinner date.

Reasons Why I Should Not Like Him

1. He has a girlfriend.

2.  I really really liked the girlfriend … the one time I met her. I should like her considering he tells me we’re a lot alike.

3. He only temporarily moved back to Minnesota and is planning another relocation soon

4. He is moving to live with his girlfriend, as soon as he finds a job, to work on their relationship (they were having some issues) and to, you know, be happy. Whatever.

5. The long-term potential is non-existent; he does not believe in marriage nor want children.

6. He is way too attractive – prettier than me times three.

7. He is not cuddle material

8. He takes more grief than he should from me.

9. He makes me blush like I am still in grade school, though I should note that I blush from almost anyone excessively easily.

10. He gets me.

Reasons Why I Do

1. See above.

… is the first guy with whom I can flirt without constantly thinking: but he’s not The Kid

When I told my boss that I had a doctor appointment over my lunch hour, it wasn’t exactly a lie. I did have one –well, I used to have one. Until I cancelled it. And when I say a doctor appointment, I really meant the chiropractor who technically IS a doctor, even if his sessions last ten minutes as opposed to the extended appointment length as implied to my boss.

The part about the long drive and his office being close to my house so I might as well spend the afternoon working from home? Yeah, that part was a lie.

But the mall is having its January sales and I wanted to get to it before the weekend crowds. This, I felt, was rational for skipping out on work.  Responsible, no? 

The trip was successful; I am a sucker for clearance sales.

The three tank tops won’t be used for a few months but they will still be cute then OR I could wear them now with a cardigan, and I don’t know if you know this, but cardigans are totally hot at the bar. Yup, dudes dig chicks in sweaters. Also purchased: two suit coats. I don’t wear suits to work, BUT I might need one some day. Someday soon. And then won’t I be happy when I already have cute ones hanging in my closet, purchased for 80% off no less. YES. I also bought two belts. And although I rarely wear belts because it looks ridiculous having that belt bulge with longer shirts and the ones purchased were not the over-the-shirt type, I might need one SOON; what if I am having a pants-falling-off EMERGENCY? Problem solved; I already have them should such a catastrophe arise. It’s called PLANNING AHEAD. I also bought ballet slippers which, ok again, I cannot wear at this EXACT instant because my work pants are too long but I AM planning to get them hemmed. Soon. For the sole purpose of wearing my beautiful new shoes –I even bought two (ok, three, I can’t lie to you, Internet) new pants to be designated as my flat-shoe-wearing pants. The bright-pink satin ones (shoes not pants; I am crazy mentally not fashionably) and I might just be new best friends, and even if they only match black or gray, we will sacrifice color in order to be together because we are that much in love. Now that’s dedication.

I will make up the time away from work on Sunday. It was worth it. I will even put in extra time because of that damn Catholic guilt.  And I didn’t waste the ENTIRE afternoon, just some of it. 

 Now if only I had something new I could wear out tonight …

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