I celebrated Christmas with my mother’s family. Even if we weren’t family, I like to think the cousins and I would be friends … or at least drinking buddies. My mother is the fifth child of six, which means that the bulk of my cousins are older and married with children of their own, some as old as middle school. Despite being parents, they are still fun –Baileys was spooned over ice cream and Grand Marnier poured into champagne, that extra bang for the holiday buck –and young; their stories of recent drunken escapades, which included golf course flip cup and bar-top dancing, proved better than those of the twenty-somethings crowd.

We all drank a lot and it was quite delicious and amusing. Just like it always is. Unfortunately for me, most of the cousins could hold their own better than I could. The alcohol hit me quickly, stemming from sleep deficiencies (late-night bedtimes of 5am followed by early alarms of 8am) and skipped meals. That and, ok, maybe quantity was a factor.

Splendid. Apparently, this was the year for me to be “that guy”.

Although the dirty jokes should have been my first tip-off, I didn’t realize just how drunk I was until a younger cousin, who is a junior at a southwestern university, and I started debating politics, and I facetiously countered, “You’re right, not everyone deserves equal rights –let’s not only keep marriage from the gays, but let’s take it away from the blacks as well!”

Not my most rational rebuttal, but I thought it better than a “You’re wrong. And stupid.” Christmas is probably not the best time to indirectly tell family members that their right-wing views are bigoted. Classy. I cut myself off, went upstairs to call The Bestest Friend and pass out, barely waking up when The Sister tried to force-feed water and insist on contact removal. Instead of my appreciation, I told her, “I hate you.” Luckily, she laughed … at all four declarations. She understands that I like me some sleep.

I hope everyone enjoyed their family, in whatever way they chose to demonstrate it, this holiday season.

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