Oh ha hah aha. Oh, that was funny.

Wait. What was funny.

I don’t remember.

Was something funny? Why is no one laughing anymore? Was I the only one laughing? Something was probably funny. Because I was laughing. Was I laughing? Was I laughing out loud or in my head? Probably out loud, that’s how a person laughs … right?

Where is the laughing? Weren’t we all having a good time before? Why is no one talking to me. Maybe I will whisper to my friend and ask what is going on, he wouldn’t lie to me … but he is having a conversation. I do not want to interrupt. I wonder what they are talking about. They seem interested. Maybe I should seem interested. Nodding indicates interested, right? Maybe I will nod. How long have I been nodding? I bet I look like an idiot who nods for like, twelve minutes at a time. Have I been doing that? Should I ask?

No. I should keep dumb questions to a minimum. Definitely no asking about the length of my nodding. Besides, maybe I was bopping my head to the beat of the music, they don’t know I was nodding. Sure. I am totally into this music. What music is this, I wonder? Pink Floyd maybe? Totally head-bopping music.

I wish I knew what the conversation that is happening two feet away from me is about. I could ask, but I don’t want to interrupt. Would that be a dumb question? Yes. Because that would be rude because they would think I was not paying attention. I will pretend to be paying attention, and hopefully, no one will realize that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON.

No one is making eye contact with me.

Why would no one be looking at me?

They probably all hate me.

Ok, that’s ridiculous, why would they be mad at me. We are friends.

Probably because I said something dumb. Or mean. I was probably mean to someone and now they don’t know how to tell me that they don’t like me because I am mean. So they are just avoiding me.

Ok, I am too high to think mean thoughts, stoners are not mean people, and really, what’s the worst thing I could have said.

[Insert some random mean thought about one of present people.]

Ha! See, I had to think of a mean thought, which means I obviously did not say it out loud. And I totally don’t even believe that mean thought. Unless I did say it out loud, on accident, I have no idea.

Dude, why would I remember it if I didn’t say it? Plus, no one is looking at me. Still. They are so mad at me.

Maybe I will whisper an apology just in case. But just a whisper, I don’t want to interrupt their conversation, it seems important. But a whispered apology? One no one hears? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

Ok, this is probably all in my head. Quick review. What has happened? I only remember saying something mean and laughing. And nodding. Wow, I am a horrible person. Who says mean things and then laughs? And nods to confirm it?

Shit, I don’t remember a minute ago. I wonder if anything happened a minute ago. Probably. Stuff happens in minutes … right? Isn’t that like, what minutes are for?  They are probably talking about me right now; I wish I could pay attention to their conversation. Didn’t I already ask what they were talking about? They might get annoyed if I ask again. Especially if they are still talking about the same thing. I should have remembered to pay attention to their answer when I asked before. Did I ask before? Of course I did. But that had to be what, like, fourteen minutes ago, at least, right? They are probably on another topic. But wasn’t this song still playing? All this music sounds the same.

Did the music just get louder?

They probably turned it up so I would not hear how mad they are at me.

*Alternatively titled: Why I Stopped Smoking Pot

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