We haven’t kissed. We’ve shared a bed twice now, but we’ve yet to kiss. He’s kissed me, my spine at least, but that was more of an early-morning, sleep-weakened, fifteen-minutes-to-kill-before-the-snooze-blows-up-again thing. And I think he wanted to remind me that, unlike my noodles, his intentions were non-platonic.
I haven’t initiated anything because I am not sure I like him. That I like like him. I realize that with all our incessant flirtation dancing, I should have made this decision, but I am not rational. I want him around to make me laugh, but I don’t know if I want to turn into one of his girls.
His girls are crazy. Take last night, for example.
While we were playing Scrabble, one of his exes (aka 22 year-old Glitter) called continuously. Literally nonstop. When he would check his phone every 20 to 30 minutes, he would have 35 missed calls. All from her. And then, his long-term-relationship ex (who, by the way, is a six-foot-tall model/dancer, thank God there’s no reason to have insecurities about that one) texted a “how r u?”, which was surprising since I guess they don’t talk?, he wrote back, “I’m good. I thought I told you to leave me alone” and ignored her follow-up calls. Then, his upstairs neighbor (Lady #3, if you’re keeping track) called to tell him that Glitter had been calling her and that maybe Glitter was waiting outside for The Realtor to get home. The Realtor apologized, saying he was sorry and couldn’t control the actions of a crazy person but hey, guess what, [the long-term-relationship ex] called and isn’t that weird since they aren’t in contact anymore? The neighbor, he later explained, is one of his buddies and knows all about the drama, but they haven’t dated since the pregnancy scare of last winter. Oh good. Heaven forbid there would be someone without a relationship history.
He’s open about all of this, showing me texts and answering my who’s-calling-now questions. And despite his frustration, he refused to let it disrupt our game, putting his phone on the floor and answering only the call of the neighbor and only when it was part of my thirty-minute deliberation period (I love Scrabble, but it takes me forever to commit to a word). And I know that if he would have wanted to be there, with one of his crazies, he would have been, but he was with me.
Well, partially with me. He didn’t stay the whole night. Which was somewhat expected since I don’t have furniture. Two weeks in my house and I am bedless. Wine glasses? Sure! Red or white? Bookcase? I have three! Pots and pans? Of course! They’re beautifully arranged in my cabinets where they will stay since I am too busy to actually cook anything. But a couch or bed or tv … those are still technically at the store. Even without furniture, he fell asleep next to me and left sometime in the night to return to his world.
His world, the one where girls stake-out his house and require a place to stay or a ride home since they don’t have their own car and the buses have stopped running … that world is not my world. For a friend, I can be amused at that world, but to become integrated into that – not sure this one would be worth it.
September 24, 2008 at 10:16 am
Like you said “For a friend, I can be amused at that world, but to become integrated into that – not sure this one would be worth it.” I agree. In fact, as far as a relationship would go I would say -no, shout “Run, Forest, RUN!”
September 24, 2008 at 10:48 am
And I would be running, running FAST, if he was hiding it. But he tells me everything.
I think he’s a good guy. He’s never cheated on a girlfriend, he doesn’t lie, he will tell me the answer to any question without cloaking it in bullshit …
He didn’t answer Glitter’s calls and enable her behavior; he stopped the long-term ex contact without submitting to her games; he disclosed all information about the upstairs neighbor, without too much prying on my part.
Granted, the company to keep was his choice and his history, but he handles them fairly rationally – which is probably why they are still drawn to him, their only stability.
I could argue both ways with this. I have no idea what I want to do.
September 24, 2008 at 11:41 am
I think that him being open about the crazies is a good thing. And remember, that was the way his life was, not necessarily how it will be if you are in it.
September 24, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Acknowledging craziness is not ENDING craziness. And having to deal with someone’s past craziness is CRAZY. You are too good for that.
Drama is not good. Its not exciting and it’s not usually a good sign. I probably would have thrown his cell phone out the window after about 15 minutes of that crap. But that’s just me, and I’m not nice.
You deserve WAYYYY better, Molly :)
September 24, 2008 at 6:55 pm
i wish we lived closer so we could discuss this while drinking red in your wine glasses in your lack of furniture house. of course, i have nothing to say that you don’t already know. you do deserve more than that from a relationship. now whether you want to make out with him and then disappear…is that an option?
September 24, 2008 at 9:31 pm
J – thanks honey, that’s what the part of me that doesn’t want to let him go is saying. Even though the rational side of me finds it too ridiculous a choice to even mention – he does have a pattern with these types of girls.
irishgrl – Ha, I know, I know. But can’t he get partial credit for being honest? Everyone has a past, dealing with my hang-ups and issues probably isn’t on his things-to-look-forward-to list … but you’re right, his pattern and history is not promising, especially at a “beginning” stage like this …
Shant – Yes, we shall have red in my red-specific glasses and perhaps sit on my floor or beautiful countertops. I will vent and you will vent and then we will analyze texts that say things like, “Sorry I had to leave to handle shit. I will call you later so you can tell me why you had a shitty day.” … and making out and disappearing is ALWAYS an option. Unless I like him. Then it becomes complicated. But seriously, come visit, I feel like we would have so much gossip to share :)
September 26, 2008 at 8:00 am
That’s a tough one… it has to be pretty flattering sitting there and being the chosen one while he ignores all of the other girls. BUT why aren’t they clear it’s over? Glitter was obviously anxious for a good reason (he was with someone else) so how long have they actually been broken up and how did he end it?
Maybe you can subtly get him to psycho-evaluate himself and why his relationships end so messy and let that decide for you whether you can put up with whatever he’s doing wrong.
September 26, 2008 at 8:16 am
We actually talked about it last night – his parents are in town and he called “because they were talking about me and wasn’t sure of my MA’s field” and um, weird with the talking to the parents about me “weird? why would that be weird? I was just telling them how much we’re meant to be” (He found this one HILARIOUS)
Anyway, so I called him later to ask why the hell he was talking about me to his parents, etc. and we got into talking about his crazies and I was like, well, whatever, you enjoy them and would be bored without the drama so that’s your deal, kinda thing … and he tried to say that yeah, at one point he would’ve been but just like his drug habit, it’s just something he has grown out of and has no need for it anymore. Who knows.
Whatever, I’m exhausted and talking about all this tires me, ha :)
September 26, 2008 at 12:49 pm
That sounds promising if he’s over it. I’m so curious to see where this ends up going.
November 25, 2008 at 1:16 pm
[...] his phone vibrate. I picked it up from the ottoman to read the screen; it was Glitter (see here and here). When he screened, I asked how Glitter was doing, surprised that they still talked. He shrugged, [...]